Four Dead In Ohio… Social Proof and What You DON'T Say Has Impact

While many of us will read that headline and dredge up the line from the song Ohio by CSN&Y – I bring it up in reference to four teen suicides in Mentor, Ohio.  All four were students at the same school and all four deaths were linked to bullying.  (Background here - AP story on Yahoo.)  We're not talking about the bullying you and I probably experienced - read the article - it was bad.

I bring it up not to make light of it but to highlight how the forces at work here can have big impact and big results.  The issues I saw as I read the article were two-fold…

1. It is a statistical quirk that suicides run in clusters.  Dr. Cialdini attributed it to the fact that when suicide is reported it triggers a form of social proof – “If they did it – I can do it.  Other people feel like I do and they did this.”
2. For the most part – only the victims of the bullying and those that committed suicide were named in the article.  No mention of those that may have been contributors to the bullying.

I am not saying bullying caused the suicides (a good discussion on this is here.)

I am saying that there are two things that we should keep in mind when it comes to how our organizations view behavior and how your organization may react to those behaviors.

 

Too Much Focus on What Goes Wrong

If your ongoing communication focuses on the things people are doing wrong it will seem that there are more people doing the wrong things than doing the right things.  Even a small amount of press focused on ongoing problems gives the impression that there is more bad than good.  

Like suicides – bad news can begat bad news.  Be careful how “transparent” you are and how much you air your dirty laundry.  It is important to address deficiencies but it isn’t required that every issue be heralded and put in lights.  Handle it like you’d handle a family problem – with the appropriate people and the appropriate discretion.

 

Not Enough Focus on the Bad Behavior

Don’t hide those that really cause truly bad problems and don’t hide the consequences of unacceptable behavior.  This may seem in direct conflict to the previous statement.  However, the impact to the group in Ohio would have been much different had the press coverage been more about the people and the unacceptable behavior of bullying than about those that took their lives.  

We’ve all seen people leave companies for “new opportunities” with nice severance packages – but knew in our hearts they cheated on expenses reports or harassed employees.

It’s the difference between a story that says:  “These four teens commit suicide due to bullying” and a story that says “These teens, through bullying, contributed to the death of four others.”

Which of those two statements is closer to what we want to really communicate?

 

Personal Rant Now… Nothing about business…

As I read the articles on the suicides I kept saying to myself – “Who did this and why are they not being dragged into the open?”  

I know why – there are many reasons – legal, ethical, etc.  But in this situation, as long as the perpetrators can hide behind that veil – the real issue – the social UNACEPTABILITY of bullying - also stays behind that veil.

I understand that in the case of the students we have a privacy issue for those under 18.  But as long as names are withheld – there is no consequence.  

Here’s a thought – for other issues it has been established that parents are responsible for the actions of dependent children - why not apply that same standard here?  

The parents of the bullies need to be outed.

If you are a parent – do you know if your kid is a bully?  What if you knew your name would be in the paper because your child was a party to bullying?  Would that change your point of view on bullying?  Would that change your reaction from one of “kids will be kids” to addressing the issue with your children?  Have you talked to your children about bullying?  Do you know if your kid is a bully?

Shouldn't we have as much transparency around those that cause the problem as we do about those that feel the effects of it?  

I would hope my children never face the kind of abuse that these four souls endured.  And I would also hope that my children never participate in, or through non-intervention, condone this type of activity.  I will have that conversation – again – because we’ve had it in the past.  I hope you too take the time to have a conversation with your child about bullying as well.

There is no reason for bullying.  There is no reason for anyone in their teens to suffer the indignities these kids suffered.  

This is a tragedy and that tragedy should be named.  Yes, the deaths are tragic.  But the bigger tragedy is that those that are truly responsible are hidden from our view - and hidden from negative opinion and social condemnation.

That is how we create real social proof… That bullying is unacceptable behavior.  

 

Comments

[sean whitlock]

Thanks for your great post. In response to your "rant," I completely agree. I think this type of accountablity thinking can and should be applied to all aspects of social life; not just bullies. We need to hold these people responsible for what they do- we need to make an example of them. We hear so much in the news about the victims (which is necessary), but we don't "drag the bullies into the street." we hear so much about how we need to stop this type of behavior, but there never really seems to be any consequences for the bully. It seems, at least to me, that these people are treated like "kids" whose actions were bad, but didn't directly cause the ultimate suicides of these victims. We can't let these crimes go unpunished. We need to enforce our laws and make these people (and their parents in many cases) pay for the pain they inflict. If we can show people that this type of behavior is not funny or accepted by enforcing strict punishments, we may just see a decline in this horrible type of crime.

[Jeffrey Thomas]

Great post. Fortunately bullying seems to be getting more attention in the media these days. We are finally starting to understand the affects it can have. I completely agree that we need to focus more on the consequences than we currently do.